2017, toughest year so far

Happy 23rd birthday dear self! 

I don't quite know how should I celebrate this day to be honest. For the past 22 years I've been though ups and downs but the part where I felt so happy, satisfied & joyous were so significant making this young soul of mine eager to go to my 23rd years of life. 

Knowing how ambitious I was, God made me through a lot for the past 12 months so I would become as strong as I ever be. Those were the toughest time of my life so far. I slept exhausted from crying and woke up with headache the next morning. My eyes were so puffy I couldn't feel them. My praying veil was all drenched before I even speak my heart to God. Many times I was only able to read His words in my heart instead of reading it out as the my nose was so runny and I couldn't read clearly. This tiny little heart was so in much pain I am still unable to get over it all. Even the thought of it makes me tremble each time, until today.

It's true people say "You only see what I want you to see". I don't really share my sadness on my social media accounts. I just don't feel the need of making people feel sorry for me. I know people looked at me as a happy and an active person. There even possibilities that some people might be envying the life of me that they've seen. Negativity is not something I want to share. It kinda change my personality that I want to be at all time.

I feel bad for my boyfriend (now fiance) that he had to take the fall for everything I went through. I am so grateful to have him by my side even though at times he did not understand what was I feeling or thinking. I know he tried his best to understand me but sometimes I would just shut him out. Not because he was not worth it but because I wasn't strong enough. Of course he could not really help things out but having someone that I can hold on to is way better than taking it all alone. I hope spending life with him till the end could pay the price of his patience and love. Macam tu ok kan sayang he he

If you are wondering how I manage to put myself together each time, I would actually go on travelling and do anything I possibly could even alone so that the happiness and satisfaction would sink the part that breaks me a little bit for some time. Or do things that I like. Bike ride along the beach, running, playing netball (I plays defender most of the times)

It helps a lot, for me.

p/s: I had a vase filled with water 3/4 full, and was frustrated cause I thought I couldn't make it full b4 the year ends. Now the vase is on neck-full!